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【教育专栏】从手机通话来看亲子关系(2015-9-24 11:11:41)

作者:paddy图片数量:1评论:0发布人:admin点击数:78
摘要:就父母和青春期子女的矛盾而言,缺乏沟通是一个最常见的抱怨。如果在这种矛盾中添加一部手机,会发生什么呢?Poorcommunicationisacommoncomplaintwhenitcomestop..


就父母和青春期子女的矛盾而言,缺乏沟通是一个最常见的抱怨。如果在这种矛盾中添加一部手机,会发生什么呢?

Poor communication is a common complaint when it comes to parents and teenagers. What happens when you throw a cellphone into the mix?


现在,至少有75%的美国青少年拥有手机,手机通常是父母给他们买的,为的是能跟子女保持更紧密的联系。而且,出于同样的原因,作父母的人比起其他成年人更可能拥有手机。

At least 75 percent of American teenagers today have a cellphone, often purchased by their parents so they can stay in closer touch. And parents are more likely than other adults to have a cellphone, for the same reason.


皮尤研究中心(Pew Research Center)互联网和美国生活项目资深研究专家阿曼达·伦哈特(Amanda Lenhart)说,“手机如今是教养子女的一个巨大组成部分,是你怎么联系自己孩子的方式。”在2009年夏天进行的一项调查中,有近70%的青少年表示,他们每天至少跟父母通一次电话。

“The phone is now a huge part of parenting. It’s how you reach your kids,” said Amanda Lenhart, a senior research specialist with the Pew Research Center Internet and American Life project. In a survey conducted in the summer of 2009, nearly 70 percent of teenagers said they talked on the phone with their parents at least once a day.


现在,研究人员开始探索手机的使用如何影响亲子关系的相互作用。2011年1月4日在线发表在《网络心理学、行为和社交网络学刊》(Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking)的一篇研究提出,通话的性质及通话的哪一方主动打电话,都有可能影响亲子关系。

Now researchers are starting to zero in on how cellphone use affects the dynamic of the parent-child relationship. A paper published online on Monday in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior and Social Networking suggests that both the nature of the calls and who initiates the calls may affect relations.


加州州立大学蒙特利湾分校(California State University in Monterey Bay)人类发展学教授罗伯特·S·韦斯克奇(Robert S. Weisskirch)请196对家长-青春期子女告诉他,他们用手机进行不同类型通话的频率分别是多少。给青少年的表格上列出了18种他们可能会给父母打电话的不同情况或情形,让他们排列在这些情况下打电话的频率:从“从不”到“常常”。

Robert S. Weisskirch, a professor of human development at California State University in Monterey Bay, asked 196 parent-teenager pairs to tell him how frequently they made different types of calls. The teenagers were asked about 18 different types of situations or circumstances in which they might call parents and to rank them from “never” to “often.”


通话类型基本上可分为两大类:“请求和协商”型指的是青少年子女打电话给父母,请求许可或告诉父母自己要晚归;“社会支持”型指的是孩子给父母打电话的原因可能是他们心里不舒服、想得到建议,或者要告知父母自己很开心,要分享一些好消息。

The calls fell into two basic categories: “ask and confer” calls, in which teenagers checked in with their parents to ask permission or tell a parent they would be late; and “social support” calls, made when they were upset, wanted advice or wanted to tell a parent they were happy and share some good news.


针对父母的调查表则包括他们多久给孩子打一次电话,以及打电话的目的:掌握孩子的行踪、监督作业完成情况、查看和了解他们的近况,或对子女的所做所为表达愤怒或不满。

Parents were asked how often they called their children to monitor their whereabouts, track their schoolwork, check in with them and get an update — or express anger or dissatisfaction with something the teenager did.


家长和子女还填写了有关他们之间关系的问卷,包括关系的亲密程度,发生冲突的次数,以及沟通顺畅与否。

Parents and teenagers also filled out questionnaires about their relationship, how close they were, how much conflict there was and how well they communicated.


韦斯克奇的发现总体看来并不令人意外。子女打电话给父母“请求和协商”的次数多,对双方的关系有益,而且在种情况下,子女更有可能把父母描述为“支持”型,并称双方关系亲密,沟通良好。这类电话也让父母高兴;它们似乎增强了父母的自信心。

What Dr. Weisskirch found wasn’t altogether surprising. When teenagers called parents frequently to “ask and confer,” it was better for their relationship, and they were more likely to characterize their parents as supportive and say they were close and communicated well. Parents were gratified by the calls, too; such calls seemed to boost their self-esteem.


“总体上,我发现当青少年主动与父母沟通,寻求父母的社会支持和引导时,他们近乎一致地趋向于报告自己与父母的关系更亲密,”韦斯克奇说。

“What I found generally was that when adolescents are initiating the communication and are seeking out social support and guidance from their parents, then almost across the board they tend to have better reports of getting along with their parents,” Dr. Weisskirch said.


另一方面,如果父母频繁给子女打电话以掌握他们的行踪、监督功课或者表露失望,双方会产生更多冲突,而且子女的自信心往往会受挫。“如果父母打来电话,总是唠唠叨叨地问‘你在做什么?’或者‘你跟谁在一起?’,要么向孩子大发雷霆、表示烦恼或担忧,子女会表示家里发生的冲突较多,”他说。

On the other hand, when parents were initiating calls frequently to monitor their children’s whereabouts, track their homework or tell them they were upset, there was more conflict in the relationship, and the teenagers tended to have lower self-esteem. “When the parents call and have a lot of communication around ‘what are you doing?’ or ‘who are you with?’ or when they’re angry at the child and upset or scared, the kids report more conflict in the family,” he said.


他说,归根结底,手机只是一种或许能增强关系、但无法取代亲子关系的工具。不过他说,手机也许会对青春期这个过渡阶段有所帮助,在这个阶段孩子们开始初尝独立的滋味,但在做决定时往往仍需引导。他说,“虽然不是面对面,但打电话仍具有增强父母教养子女能力的可能,因为打电话给父母提供引导子女、帮助他们学习如何做出好的决定的机会”。

Ultimately, the phone is just a tool that may augment the relationship but doesn’t substitute for it, he said. Still, he said, the phone may help during the transitional time of adolescence, when children are flexing their independence but tend to need guidance making decisions. “The phone has the potential to enhance parenting by giving parents an opportunity to provide guidance, even though they’re not face to face, and help their kids learn how to make good decisions,” he said.


不过,伦哈特说,手机也有可能加剧紧张的关系。“这项研究让人认识到,焦虑和担心的父母总在给孩子打电话来监督行踪,了解课业,或者是与子女争吵、给孩子立规矩,这类频繁的电话能带来负面效果。如果你想通过电话来做教养子女中不好的一面的工作的话,效果不会十分理想。”

But the phone can also increase tension, Ms. Lenhart said. “What this is making clear is that frequent calls from parents can be negative, that parents who are anxious and worried and constantly calling their child to monitor and ask about schoolwork or argue and try to discipline them — when you try to do the negative parts of parenting over the phone, it doesn’t work particularly well.”


韦斯克奇说,从一开始就对使用手机制订明确的规矩,也许能防止双方出现矛盾并减少误解发生。他说,比如家长可以非常明确地告诉子女,希望对方能多久打来一次电话,同时明确地讲清楚,拒接家长电话是完全行不通的,这些可能都是好主意。

Setting clear parameters for phone use from the outset may prevent conflict and mitigate misunderstandings, Dr. Weisskirch said. It is probably a good idea, for example, for parents to be very clear about what their expectations are about how often the teenager must make contact, he said, and to establish that not answering a parent’s call is not an option.


他说,“青春期子女需要知道对他们面临哪些期望,也需要知道该如何运用这种已经深入我们生活之中的技术产品。”

“The adolescent needs to know what’s expected of them, and how they’re supposed to use this technology that has crept into our lives,” he said.

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来源:http://www.shawnwilkes.com?????编辑:paddy
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